The official web site of the G.A.W.K. Foundation!

Did you know that on any given Saturday night, Kevin Michael Brotzman, a young, verile college student, is forced to go dateless? Yes, it's sad, but true. No, really. I refused to believe it myself at first. Yes, yes, it's heartbreaking. "But what can I do", you say? "I'm just one person." Well, you're in luck! Because I have just founded the G.A.W.K. Foundation, in honor of poor Kevin. What does G.A.W.K. stand for, you say? It's very simple: Get A Woman for Kevin. But how does it work? Well, I'm glad you asked! Simply check out the rest of the website, and after you stop sobbing in sympathy, send your cash donations to:

The G.A.W.K. Foundation
742 Evergreen Terrace
Springfield, OR 23890

(NOTE: Not a real address.)

Or, you could always email date proposals to the President of G.A.W.K. at brotz13@yahoo.com. Thank you for your sympathy! Kevin thanks you, too.

O.K., there may still may be a few cynics out there, believe it or not. So why is Kevin worthy of a Saturday night date NOT involving his Sony PlayStation 2? Let the facts speak for themselves:

1. He's attractive. Kevin has been compared to such celebrity studs as Matthew Broderick, Dave Matthews, Tim Mahoney of 311, Rob Lowe, and Lou Diamond Phillips.

2. He's cultured. Our bachelor has read such fine literature as Hamlet, To Kill a Mockingbird, and TV Guide. He enjoys an ecclectic selection of music, from the Beatles to Pearl Jam to Moby. He is even one of the twelve people who are known to have bought a Tracy Bonham CD. Shhh...

3. He's an artiste. Yes, this stud muffin has talent, too! He has entertained dozens with his poetry about cars and women and other inanimate objects. (Just kidding!) But wait, it gets better! He is an accomplished amateur actor, having starred in low-budget productions at his high school AND college. You may have seen him portray a wide range of characters including, but not limited to, a filthy sketchy homeless guy, a stodgy British colonel, and even a deformed murderer. We all know how winsome a guy in eyeliner and white nylons can be, right?

4. He's tall, dark, and handsome. At 6'1", he's taller than superstar Tom Cruise...much taller. In fact, he could probably take him in a fight. Oh wait - Cruise did his own stunts in MI-2, didn't he? Ohh, never mind. But anyway, Kevin DOES have a goatee, and a tattoo! That's gotta count for something...right?

OK, so the argument is admittedly a bit incomplete. Never fear, there will be more to come!

So, who would be tops on Kevin's List?

Elisabeth Filarski: This Survivor cutie could brighten Kevin's Saturday night. A recent graduate of Boston College, she is currently dating BC's starting QB Matt Hasselbeck. Hmm...we'll have to do something about that. Perhaps it's time to start a new foundation - but now I'm drifting.

Marla Sokoloff: This striking young actress has overcome a shaky start on the extremely crappy family sitcom Full House to star in such successful ventures as ABC's The Practice. Her films include Dude, Where's My Car?, and Sugar and Spice. Umm, OK, she may not be tearing up the box office just yet, but hang in there, Marla, you're still sexy!

Sandra Bullock: OK, so she may be a bit out of his age range, but this brunette actress has real natural beauty. Kevin must like her...he paid $7.75 to see Miss Congeniality! What's that? Oh, I'm sorry! Apparently Kevin didn't want to admit that...oops!

Stacy Keibler: Or perhaps you may know her as WCW superstar Ms. Hancock, or Nitro Girl Skye. Stacy's legs are 41 inches long (41! You heard right!). That's not the best part - she is a local product, born and raised in good ol' Baltimore! In fact, a dear friend of Kevin's even went to middle school with Ms. Keibler...perhaps something could be arranged *cough cough*.

Elle MacPherson: They don't call her "the Body" for nothing. She's one of the few women who could actually stand eye-to-eye with Kevin. And she's a welcome change from all those supermodels who think they need to growl at the camera to be attractive. Those kind of models scare Kevin.